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TheIratePirate
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Name: Aaaarrrrg
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Hellertown
Gender: Male
Interests: Pirates and not ninjas...
Expertise: PIRATING SHIT
Occupation: Legal
Industry: Banking/Finance
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/16/2006
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| Has not been easy, and I was worried I wouldn't be able to finish, but 2 more melodies just hit me like a ton of inspiration bricks. Yes.
the songs are as follows:
1. Opening song - just got the inspiration and it could actually be completed
2. Foreign Exchange Day - need to come up with instrumentation to the current melodies, as well as write the ending
3. Chef song - Instruments recorded, need to write lyrics
4. Love song - completed last night
5. Finale - just thought of a melody.
now, to complete them by Monday.
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All girls should come with a warning, or instruction manual. How do I know when I've done something wrong if they don't talk with me. I don't understand people. At all.
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| I am still worrying, and that is terrible. I worry that people that I only know online are saying bad things about me behind my back, I worry that my last girlfriend doesn't like talking to me anymore when we said we would stay friends. And on top of that, I can't just bring it up to her, because she gets angry fast, and there's no way to disarm that over aim, you can't fucking tell emotions on aim. I want to just tell her that I want to be her friend and it feels like we aren't anymore. I also can't stand seeing girls that are special to me flirting with other guys, jenna, rachel, other girls... Maybe it's because I might like them still. I don't know. I feel like I will never be able to sort my life out. And on top of that, my left arm feels dead, like I just got a shot where blood is taken, from the reverse side of your elbow. It feels like there is maybe no circulation in it. It hurts.
This feeling unwanted or unloved (like, dating love, not oh, you're my best friend, I love you) is causing me physical pain. I can't describe it, it's near where my heart is in my chest, it feels like there's such weight pushing down on it. I don't know what to do. Why am I caused physical pain from this?
I wish she wouldn't say "hold on" I know she does that when she doesn't want to talk to anyone, that sometimes she says that and she's not really busy. I then have reason to believe that she doesn't want to talk to me, and that hurts me so much. She'll never know, I care about our friendship too much to bring any of this up. I'd rather be upset then lose someone who means that much to me completely.
I can't even follow my own words:
Insanity is just a state of mind, my friend
Relax, you know we’ll all be fine, in the end
Just try to unwind, take life day-by-day
Forget about the stress, let your problems fade away
Life may be tough, but it’s only temporary
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| This is honestly a serious, SERIOUS problem for me. I need to do something to stop from being so emotional, so fragile. But you know, I've said this a million times, and each time, I do something, and it lasts for a while. Then... somehow, I get right back where I was.
IS IT WINTER? no. It's me.
I have blamed winter for my lack of motivation, which, I do say it is easier for me to be inspired in warmer weather, but winter is NOT responsible for my complete inability to control myself.
I have been in college for a semester and a half, and in that time I have made around 10 friends, none of which I really "hang out" with outside of college. Though last night I did, and tonight I have been invited to go bowling from 11:45 to 3 in the morning... I'm not sure if I'll go, because it's late, but alas, I digress. I must stop being so fragile, I AM NOT A LITTLE KID ANYMORE. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIGH SCHOOL ME. When I was in elementary school I was a bashful kid who hid underneath desks and had very few friends. In four short years I went from being that kid to being voted Most Outgoing, I was friends with so many people in the school, I was almost Homecoming King, which only is a popularity contest. Then I get out into college and I'm back in my fucking shell... HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU NEED TO FUCKING TOUGHEN UP DWIGHT, Jenna's been telling you this, and you KNOW it's true, why the FUCK are you so weak?! WHY ARE YOU?!! EVERYONE ELSE HAS PROBLEMS, WHAT MAKE YOURS SO BAD, WHAT MAKES YOU SO GOD DAMN SPECIAL?! FIX YOURSELF. Do the world a favor.
And you want to get into Acting and Music? You worry about what people think, how will you possibly be able to deal with critics? You need to learn how to detach yourself a little, don't take things so hard, the old saying goes take things with a grain of salt, well my boy, maybe you need a shovel. TOUGHEN UP YOU LITTLE PRICK.
Honestly thinking about it, I'm sure it's an ego problem. I have never had a big ego, sometimes I can act like I do, but I rarely do. I only do when I have reasons to, when I have friends, a girlfriend that loves me. But one girl has broken me twice for the guy she was with before me each time, one girlfriend was so distant for 5 months, another confessed she didn't love me for the last month of our relationship, and one seemed to not want to be in a relationship with me. How can a guy struggling to get an ego get anywhere when stuff like that happens? And friends, I AM THE FUCKING MAN with the right company... but now I'm in college, I have no close friends.
I have been depressing myself more by thinking of my lack of a best friend, I fear that I may never have a "best" friend again. My best friend for the last 6 years now barely talks to me, we see each other all the time, but we never talk about personal subjects anymore. And the next person in line now barely talks to me at all, because she's hopelessly infatuated with a guy that I would rather not see her with.
Maybe it is good that I am writing, maybe this is what I have been missing, maybe writing can help me keep my sanity. But is anyone really sane?
You know you're not crazy, but then again crazy people don't think they are either, so maybe you are... but if you then think you're crazy, how can you be? It's a vicious circle.
I will do it. I will fix me. And this time it must work. Or I will die.
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| I'm back to update my Xanga. I'm considering bringing it back, but I really have to assess the amount of time I'll have to update regularly, and whether it is important stuff.
Why bring xanga back?
Because no one uses it anymore. It's just screaming "be a rebel and use me".
So, I'm considering it.
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